Today was not very fun for me i didn't do a whole lot of anything i had a little food with some folks and then i came home. i hte not being able to see my family in the holidays it sucks big floppy donkey dick!!!!

i wish that my cousins could have came over here or me go over to spokane for the holidays but it didn't happen. I wish I had some one to spend the holiday' s with that would be able to appreciate me and actually care weather or not i am doing okay unlike my family who couldn't give a fuck less about what happens to me.

I wish that I could have a girl that understands me rather than the girl that likes me acting all bipolar and shit one minute she wants me around then another minute she doesn't want me around i guess that I will just say fuck it and cut my losses I don't want to because I dig her and I don't have many girls that dig me but she does and its a beautiful thing. Well anyway no more dramaand i am gonna have to move on I guess but i will update laer and i will holla back.

JUST BLAZE!

Well the past week has been cool I have settled into my new apartment and come to find that privacy although key is also very lonely. its all good thought because im not even home long enough to enjoy my place seeing as i work all the fucking time. well i hope that the holiday's go good im not too much for thanksgiving or anything that involves family and seeing as i have to work the day after thanksgiving i am not going anywhere at all i have to stay local if i do anything, I want to go to Bellingham to see my mom but i can't get the time off and i know that she is going to go to Spokane anyway.

I wish that there was alot i could do this holiday but between not being able to get ahold of my father and not having the best schedule for the holiday's having to work and all. I want to have dinner's with all of my friends but that won' fuckin happen either seeingas they all seem to forget those who are single and worry to fuckin much about their girlfriends. I mean i am not hatin on them for having gf's but the fact that u forget your friends when u have one is fucked up....some of my friends will be like "I gotta wait and see what my girl is up to." when i ask them if they wanna go out that night or that weekend when they see thier gf's ALL THE FUCKING TIME they must think its cool to dog your friends and break plans with them for your gf or when your gf doens't wanna do anything that night and u ask them wanna kick it they say "no im just gonna go to bed man im tired." THAT IS BULLSHIT! Just because your girl doesn't wanna do anything doesn;t mean that you have to stay in....that is what i call separation anxiety.  That is why the holidays this year are gonna suck very very bad.  All the people I want to come over for dinner won't becasue they will be with their gf's and they have forgotten that in the past we have had dinners together regardless of who we were with and that is something they all need to think about.

I have sacrificed so much for these guys and i have broken so many plans to kick it with them and for them fo just disrgard what i have done is fucked up hella. Anyway im just ranting here......

I really do ish everyone a happy holiday and I hope that you all have fun.

Well alot has happened in the past few weeks. I got my own apartment and I love living on my own it is very liberating and I love being able to do whtever I want in my house nad not haveing to answer to anyone.   I love it so much I got everything i need in my apartment right now (except a nice girl to share it with me occasionally)  Well I thought I would update i will talk to you all later I will tel you this though I got a new poem for you........................

ive got my life right on track

and I know there is no lookin back

i see everything getting better

and I know that it is true

that all i need now is a boo.

Well today was a great day I got a lot done so I was able to just relax most of the day....my friend Jacob is the proud new father of a beautiful baby girl......I don't have much to talk about right now but I just thought I would update and say hello to everyone and wish everyone a good rest of their week.

I got a new poem today as well..........

I think about you so much

That I yearn for your touch

I don't care about money and such

I care about you and noone else in this world

I guess what I am trying to say is

I LOVE YOU GIRL!!!!!

 Things have been going great lately and I couldn't be happier with it. I love my job it is so fufilling and I get to do what ever I want whenever I want. I don't have much to say eventhough I haven't been updating lately.

I am getting over my fear of snakes...I held it last night and for the first time in 17 years I wasn't scared that is a big step for me and I am glad to have taken it.

Well I donm't have much else to say really so I am gonna leave you all with a poem;

I sit at night and think to myself why

Did God make me such a great guy

I don't deserve heaven after I die

But if I wasn't there

I know the angels would cry

At the sight of their lost guy

That would have made a great addition

To their choir on high

Well my weekend was pretty good I guess I hung out with my friend mike and we went to the bar and chilled. I wastched the Seahawks lose I am a little mad about that but other than that this weekend was alot of fun and I hope that I have a good week. Gotta go.

JUST BLAZE!!!!

Well I had a real shitty day today, I had to deal with some fucked up customers and people who think that they can treat you like shit because they are the customer. I wish they would realize how hard my job is to do day in and day out. I don't have to put up with their shit I only have to cater to them and put their stuff in their house.

I feel so empty inside I have a void in me that I wish could be filled, I have nothing in my life to keep me happy you know. I have nothing to keep me grounded, I am so alone and empty I want to break down I hate it so much I wish I had something......a pet, a child, or a significant other. IT FUCKING SUCKS!!! Well I gotta go.

JUST BLAZE!!!

Well not a lot happened today and I was bored as shit.....I really didn't have fun at work it was okay but it wasn't the best day.  I don't have much else to say really so I will talk to you all later.

JUST BLAZE!!!!

NOMINATE ME PLEASE I HAVE NEVER ASKED FOR ANYTHING!!!!!!

If I am unaware of love, I live drably. If I become intoxicated with love, I live in dreamland. If I recognize love, and shake her hand then comfort, dreams, and sometimes intoxication become mine to drench in and give away as well.

I don't know whats going on with me lately, I am just not feeling like myself, and I wish I knew what was going on so that I could get over or through what ever it is that's bothering me. I have been in a real mood and I wish I could get out of it.  I need to get my own house I think I will be alot better if i get one so that I am the person who runs the house and what I say goes.  I want to be able to have anyone i want over at anytime without them feeling uncomfortable in my house. I want to be able to walk around my house butt naked if i so decide to (i won't trust me I am not pretty naked). I just want freedom, there is nothing wrong with that from my understanding.  I will eventually feel better and get over my angst, i hope that I do not hurt anyone in the process. Some of you who read this know that I am not a mean person by any standards and I would never intentionally harm someone, but I am to the point where I want to slap the shit out of someone.

This is a dream I had last night some say when you can remember your dream exactly that you are very gifted.

I had a dream last night and in this dream I saw the most beautiful colors in the sky and I was flying through the air with these wings of silver and yellow that stretched about 20 feet from tip to tip.  I was flying with the birds can you imagine the feeling of weightlessness and the freedom of the air that moves over your body and through your hair or in my case the waves in my hair.  I soared higher and higher into the sky i was above the clouds as you would be in an airplane it was exciting and i was loving it...................until i saw these clouds coming at me and I realized these clouds were doubt, hate, fear andf they were coming closer to me and it was getting hard to fly .....i started falling to the ground as if i was dropped out of a plane or jumped of a cliff. I was falling so fast and at the last minute I opened my wings and stopped myslef about 5 feet from the ground and then i stepped out of the air onto the ground. as i looked over my shoulder i saw the clouds coming at me and then I was so frustrated I let out a very large and loud yell and as the clouds engulffed me a light emminated from my body despersing the clouds and protecting me.  I had nothing to fear after that, I was safe and I was able to soar through the air once again. On my way up I saw a beautiful woman about 50 yards away with the same wings flying at the same speed as me and coming closer. As she approached I couldn't see her face the light coming from her body was too much I wish I could have seen her face. I hope this means something the woman grabbed my hand and we flew higher into the sky together we went from one part of the globe to another we flew to the top of the pyramids in Egypt the great pyramid to be exact it was beautiful and I didn't want to leave but then I looked to my right and she started flying away and when I called to her I couldn't hear anything come out of my mouth as if I was silenced and someone stole my voice. I tried to fly after her but I couldn't catch up with her and then I saw a bright light and next thing I know.........I was awake!!!!! I am so very mad and I want to know what it means if anyone can help me figure it out I would appreciate it greatly.

JUST BLAZE!!!!

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